I acutely embarrass MYSELF

[kassidy62]

An actor over at acx is reading my "Beneath the Neon Moon" book for an audio production. And I? Am a preteen. As I just wrote tipitiwitchet, "omg, i just giggled wildly out loud at 12 am in the kitchen because he read 'precome' - fucking help me Obiwan"

It's not him, it's me, and that's the truth. He seems a lovely fellow, but I am having trouble having an actor read my stuff--embarrassed to bits, positively squirming at times to listen through the chapters. I wrote this for God's sake! I know what's coming. He gets the romanticism and warmth growing between the characters in the midst of their fear, and I'm glad he does, but I'm spending a lot of my time clinging to a wall or hiding my head or or--

it reminds me of once when a guy friend had me read his attempt at writing sex. Not bad at all, but I still had my hand over my mouth reading it, and I managed a coherent response, nay, a mature response, but inside? I remember I once LEFT THE ROOM in the middle of composing my email back to him. I had to have a break from writing an email because I was squirming inside. Wtf?

Comments

[duluthgirl.livejournal.com]

This entire post made me laugh. I would be clinging to the wall, too! I feel awkward enough just having my husband or another fan edit my stories. Lol!

[kassidy62.livejournal.com]

I thought I was THROUGH the most embarrassing part - I manned up and finished the longest sex-scene chapter - and now there's ANOTHER (wailing, sobbing) - I am currently giggling and repeating words he says in FALSETTO, Christ. Thank god I'm the only person in the house right now.
Oh, and clutching my hair, literally, did I mention that? This is kind of soul-shriveling in a maniacal sorta way:)
duluth, you let your husband edit? No way could I do that!
Hmm... actually he offered suggestions when I was new to writing, and he was good, too, useful. But after he read sex scenes for us out loud one Saturday night while we were busy drinking, I can't even do that!

[duluthgirl.livejournal.com]

I seriously don't think I could handle sitting in the house listening to that. I would be crouched and rocking in the corner. You are one brave woman!

And my husband read through some of my earlier crap (I say crap because that is what it was) and was sweet about it, even offering good suggestions, as yours did, but I stopped asking him to look at my stuff right away. He has seen most my art, though!

Once this is over and the falsetto is out of your house, you will be okay. :D

[marianrose.livejournal.com]

Ha! You are such a great writer and that means you write the truth very well. And the truth can make us squirm :) I'm very happy that your book is being produced as an audio file. I used to think that there was no benefit in having an audio file because I could just read the book myself. However, I have learned that listening to a book is an entirely different experience than reading one. I usually hear things that I missed when I read the book.

[kassidy62.livejournal.com]

I was really caught by what you said. I've been thinking about it. I do write my own truth, or what I hope and wish for: that the good guys came out on top, and that love and decency can push back against the darkness.
Then again, sometimes I write about how pushing back doesn't work, and may not even matter in the end. Which is the fear, I suppose.
I mirror your thoughts on audio productions - I read faster, so why not do that instead of listen, right? But then you have car trips and exercise, stuff like that, and you can utilize that time by also getting a story, which is lovely, and often unexpectedly engaging, in that the reader's voice can draw you in. He or she adds a dimension to the experience, you know?

[hardboiledbaby]

There's just something very, I dunno, visceral? about hearing words as opposed to seeing them. Especially your own words, in a voice different from the one you've been hearing in your head. And if they are porny words, well....

Are you listening to a recording, or are you actually there in the room while he's reading? I don't think listening only would bother me all that much, but I would probably die of acute embarrassment if I had to make eye contact OMG

[kassidy62.livejournal.com]

it's a recording, and it's funny you should ask that because I kept reminding myself, he's already read this, already *emoted* and this is actually in the past, but it didn't help much because he was emoting in my EARS, lol.

[hardboiledbaby]

Hee, the power of the spoken word! Your voice actor is doing his job right :D Maybe I've become desensitized because of porny podfic XD Some of that stuff is pretty racy. I even recorded one—and it happened to be my own fic, LOL. Not that it was all that graphic, mind you—just our favorite cowboys, gettin' it on *beg*

Anyway, hopefully you'll be less squicked over time. We don't want you losing your mind out of acute embarrass-itis :D