a personal take (it's about me)

[kassidy62]

ordinary every day repetition (dishes, work, laundry, shuttling people where they need to go, cooking, cleaning - defined, demanding, dry as dust) bleeds me every day, and I look for what has meaning to me, just me, and it's a struggle to remember. Then I see giandujakiss' post and I go to check it out, and in the process revisit a couple of old vids I have loved (before I have to leave for work).

VIOLET by Hole is basically my whole youth and young adulthood screamed out in one song. It's still me at my tired and much older core. How I dealt back then was by doing it alone. i still do it alone, and in some ways that's fine, I can take care of myself and anyway I don't want to do it your way or giandujakiss' way, but... I remember all those things and all those times and how I learned to deal. Mostly just by getting through it all which actually, is pretty much an accomplishment, but still, this speaks to me so much. I feel (am) older and tired and I don't like it, I'm not embracing it (hope some of you will, that you find the way), but I want to say, you who are younger flist members, who wonder about older women in fandom - this doesn't go away, a lot of that baggage stuff you carry (also those dreams and wants you hold close and think belongs to you, not those weirdo older fannish women [who maybe got some of what they wanted but always dream of more and isn't that the way of it]... but maybe you're not like that and maybe that's for another day).

Anyway - here it is, talked about, viewed and KNOWN:

WOMEN'S WORK by Luminosity and Sisabet

Comments

[debbiel66.livejournal.com]

I need to watch the vid when my house is a little lonelier and quieter, but your musings are lovely and true, and I wanted to let you know. :)

[kassidy62.livejournal.com]

thanks, debbie:) The (dramatic, way dramatic) song is rage and despair and violence, self-destruction and defiance and suits me to a T, good or bad.