you know what you should never do?

[kassidy62]

You should never watch vividcon vids right after you've completed your own new vid unless you want to suffer from the comparison. Or unless you're one of *them*
:)
Maybe I should just stick with writing. Or raising kids. Or making mud pies.

Comments

[tipitiwitchet.livejournal.com]

Stop that! What the fuck is going on in your head? Your vid is marvelous and it doesn't suffer a bit in comparison to anything we watched tonight. Not that it should be compared to anything we watched.

Did I mention that I love it?

[kassidy62.livejournal.com]

Hey, my Smoops - well, after watching Women's Work, and Jarrow's stuff, etc. I think it does suffer, and suffer a lot in comparison. It made me a little depressed, but that's part of all this creative shit, I guess.

It's like when you're writing and you become convinced what you're doing is crap - you've read so much better, right, and why are you doing this? Because you're sure you suck. Look at this over there or that over here, they're much better. It can bring you to a halt unless you get out of the mire of shit you're thinking.

It's not supposed to be about how much better someone else is, and it really isn't, but I'm not blind, and the abilities of the vidders are beyond my comprehension in terms of understanding the process. What I'm doing is fun and pleasurable, but it's not anywhere near being what I'd like it to be. Now I have to adjust to that understanding.

Doesn't mean I couldn't get better, but I'm pretty sure I'll never get that good, because it would take so much effort and in the end I don't love it enough to get there. So then, if I am to enjoy vidding when I do it, I have to adjust to that understanding and be happy with it. Not so easy. But I'll keep throwing the vids out there as I make them, because somebody out there is going to enjoy it. And because I don't have to be a pro to create and have fun with it. Fandom says so;)

Like our Cheryl says, "If you like it, fine. If not, fine." Sounds simple enough, but it's not simple to believe.

You know how close you get to something you're working on. You can't see the forest for the trees. What's good, what's bad, what will bring out the reaction you wanted, where am I totally off? Floundering, I hate it. But I think that's all part of it, too, so I think you just take your lumps and keep moving.

I'll be damned, you got the full treatment from me this morning, huh?

[kassidy62.livejournal.com]

Aaaand on the other hand... good thing I can't convince myself of my own total unworthiness for long;). I spiffed it up and sent it on its way (I actually CRIED over the fucking software malfunction yesterday, but I finally got a service pack update that did the trick - but it took me until 4 this morning to get it to the point that I was finally satisfied), and I redid the credits a little. It's not got all the cuts and zigs and zags that others do, but really, I do know better than to compare. Just knowing and doing can be something else, huh?
Love you.
What are you up to?

[tipitiwitchet.livejournal.com]

Oh, babes, you cried? My poor frustrated Petal. I can't wait to see it in its final version. Glad you got it to a point where you're satisfied with it, but I loved it when you showed it to me this weekend. I adore the song and your use of effects was just perfect, I think. It's lovely.

I'm doing laundry and not too much else. I thought I might feel rested if I got a couple of days off, but I feel drained right now.
Love you too.

[morgandawn.livejournal.com]

and never watch the VVC DVD when you're making your vid. That can make anyone flee and start running.

I find the biggest barrier to vidding is my own internal voice. I love telling this story: at one convention, I learned that my first computer vid was going to be shown after Luminosity's vids. "Oh no, I thought, no one will remember mine." Afterwards, I chatted with Lum and told her this. She laughed and said: "and what do you think I was thinking after we watched yours?"

[true-brit.livejournal.com]

Which is why I avoid reading other people's fic while I'm in writing mode. O' course, the downside of that is that I then miss so much good stuffs!

You make great vids, you write brilliantly, your kids seem to be turning out okay...
Your mud pies do rather suck though (I hate being the one who had to tell you).

[kassidy62.livejournal.com]

I think I love you:)

[true-brit.livejournal.com]

*smooches*

Actually, to tell the truth, your mud pies aren't all that bad - just wanted to give you a new goal...