Yesterday I did something I've never done before

I stopped a squirrel fight. That's right. I'm walking my dog and at the end of the alleyway, there's these four squirrels, see. (No, this isn't the opener for a joke.) Perhaps it was a squirrel rumble. Two of them leap together and start whirling, gnattering, chattering, whatever, and fighting (they were *not* doin' it, either - it was a no-paws barred fight - I almost expected a beer bottle to be broken over one of their tiny furry heads).

So I draw closer, and one leaps into a tree. The other follows. Pursuing. It seems the first one is frightened and there is much leaping about in the trees. (It reminds me of that scene from "Battle on the Planet of the Apes" when the little boy chimp is pursued up to the treetops by a large gorilla. Never mind.) So I go to the branch where the pursuing squirrel is and I point a finger upwards and shout, "No! No! Bad squirrel! You stop that!" And he becomes frightened and goes back the way he came.

See? I stopped a squirrel fight. Maybe even a gangland turf war.